Personal Ad Translator!!
| CODE WORD..... | MEANS: | ||
| 40-ish | 48 | ||
| Adventurous | Has had more partners than you ever will | ||
| Affectionate | Possessive | ||
| Artist | Unreliable | ||
| Athletic | Flat chested | ||
| Average looking | Ugly | ||
| Beautiful | Pathological liar | ||
| Commitment-minded | Pick out curtains, now! | ||
| Communication important | Just try to get a word in edge-wise | ||
| Contagious Smile | Bring your penicillin | ||
| Educated | College dropout | ||
| Emotionally Secure | Medicated | ||
| Employed | Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home | ||
| Enjoys art and opera | Snob | ||
| Enjoys Nature | Bring your own granola | ||
| Exotic Beauty | Would frighten a Martian | ||
| Feminist | Fat; ball buster | ||
| Financially Secure | One paycheck from the street | ||
| Free spirit | Substance user | ||
| Friendship first | Trying to live down reputation as slut | ||
| Fun | Annoying | ||
| Gentle | Comatose | ||
| Good Listener | Borderline Autistic | ||
| Humorous | Caustic | ||
| Intuitive | Your opinion doesn't count | ||
| In Transition | Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills | ||
| Light drinker | Lush | ||
| Looks younger | If viewed from far away in bad light | ||
| Loves Travel | If you're paying | ||
| Loves Animals | Cat lady | ||
| Mature | Will not let you treat her like a farm animal in bed, like last boyfriend did | ||
| New-Age | All body hair, all the time | ||
| Non-traditional | Ex-husband lives in the basement | ||
| Old-fashioned | Lights out, missionary position only | ||
| Open-minded | Desperate | ||
| Outgoing | Loud | ||
| Passionate | Loud | ||
| Petite | Wouldn't stand out in a pack of Munchkins | ||
| Poet | Depressive Schizophrenic | ||
| Professional | Bitch | ||
| Redhead | Shops on the Clairol aisle | ||
| Reliable | Frumpy | ||
| Reubenesque | Grossly Fat | ||
| Romantic | Looks better by candle light | ||
| Self-employed | Jobless | ||
| Smart | Insipid | ||
| Special | Rode the short school bus | ||
| Spiritual | Involved with a cult | ||
| Stable | Boring | ||
| Tall, thin | Anorexic | ||
| Tan | Wrinkled | ||
| Voluptuous | Very Fat | ||
| Weight proportional to height | Hugely Fat | ||
| Wants Soulmate | One step away from stalking | ||
| Widow | Nagged first husband to death | ||
| Writer | Pompous | ||
| Young at heart | Toothless crone | ||
| Sooo, where's the male side of that list? Here, I'll give you a start: | |||
| CODE WORD.. | MEANS... | ||
| 40-ish | 52 and looking for 25-yr-old | ||
| Affectionate | Needy and looking for mother-figure | ||
| Artist | Delicate ego badly in need of massage | ||
| Athletic | Sits on the couch and watches ESPN | ||
| Average looking | Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, and back | ||
| Distinguished-looking | Fat, grey, and bald | ||
| Educated | Will always treat you like an idiot | ||
| Employed | On management track at Radio Shack | ||
| Free Spirit | Sleeps with your sister | ||
| Friendship first | As long as friendship involves nudity | ||
| Fun | Good with a remote and a six pack | ||
| Good looking | Arrogant bastard | ||
| Honest | Pathological Liar | ||
| Huggable | Overweight, more body hair than Gentle Ben | ||
| ISO Slim, attractive female | Would be better off with a labrador retriever | ||
| Light drinker | Headed for AA | ||
| Like to cuddle | Insecure, overly dependent | ||
Like romantic walks on the beach | I read Cosmo and think this is what you want to hear | ||
| Mature | Until you get to know him | ||
Happy Valentines Day!!! ;D
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